Inscribed on My Heart

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13

The Surprise: A Hand-painted Dough Box

Twenty years ago, soon after Michael’s and my engagement, I received a phone call from my soon-to-be mother-in-law. She was cooking up a surprise for us, a wedding gift which she hoped would become a family heirloom, and she wanted to include a Bible verse that was significant to us, to our relationship at the time.

Immediately, I knew the verse I wanted to give her but hesitated to share. I had one of those verses in mind. You know, one of the verses that gets so overused that it becomes a Christian cliché.

Phil 4:13.

Even Oprah claims it as her “life verse.” How was I supposed to sound super spiritual and impress my future MIL with a verse embroidered on thousands of throw pillows across America?

Nonetheless, no matter how “overused” it was, I wanted that verse to be the one on our family heirloom. Feeling like I had just picked “C” on a multiple choice exam, I hesitantly told MIL what I wanted. To make sure she understood just how deep and, more importantly, not-cheesy I intended my selection to be, I qualified my answer by explaining the significance of the context.

             I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. Phil 4:12

I quoted verse 12 and explained things about the Apostle Paul’s life that I’m certain she already knew. Then I explained how Michael and I wanted a marriage built on the rock who is Jesus Christ. We knew there were good times to come as well as difficult ones. As man and wife, we were sure to experience seasons of being abound and times of being abased. We were entering married life confidently, not because we believed in ourselves or imagined life would be perfectly rosy, but because we were confident in Christ and that come-what-may He would be our strength.

Even though I was probably trying, in part at least, to impress my future MIL with my Biblical prowess, I really did mean what I had said. But, as much as I really and truly believed, I didn’t quite understand what I was saying… not as fully I thought I did at the time.

For nearly twenty years, Michael and I have been constantly learning more on the subject.

On May 20, 1995, we had a beautiful wedding, experienced a happy honeymoon and returned home to good jobs and a cozy first apartment. Soon, we bought a house, my Victorian dream, and enjoyed living and teaching in a community of friends. We have been loved by two church families and have sat under the preaching of two wonderful pastors. We’ve always had what we have needed (and often times more than we have needed) materially. We’ve served our community, experienced successes, and received recognition for our efforts. We founded a homeschool co-op which has doubled in size each year. We have two sons who rocked our world when they entered it and brought more joy than I could ever express in a short blog post. They have grown before our eyes, and it has been quite the adventure- one filled with love, laughter, excitement and joy.

We are definitely abound.

That’s only one side of the coin, though.

Early on in our marriage, I was frequently sick. I was bed bound from pain more often than I would admit to anyone at the time. As most of our married friends became parents, we prayed and longed for a child who seemingly would never come. Doctors told us we would likely never have children. Then I conceived… only to lose that child… and another… and another… and another…. We left the dream house behind to live in a 900 square foot guest house… on my parents’ property. When Ben was born, we were introduced to the NICU. When he was 2-weeks-old, we were told he would probably die by the next morning. A year later, Brian also spent time in the NICU and we were told he would likely not leave it without brain damage. Later, people began to gossip against us and it grew so out-of-control we had to move to free ourselves from the resulting damage. We’ve also had our own personal Job’s friends along the way who have done their best to let us know just how much all of the “bad stuff” was entirely our doing.

Oh, and all the while there has been lupus.

Crazy, wacky, hard-to-diagnose, probably-all-in-my-head, debilitating, organ-threatening, energy-zapping, life-draining lupus.

We have definitely been abased.

After our honeymoon, Michael and I received the heirloom gift from his parents: a handcrafted, hand-painted dough box. Phil 4:13 is inscribed on the inside, just as young me requested. Each time I open the box, I remember that well-intentioned, but naïve, young woman and her words to her future mother-in-law. I am really glad that it is adorned with that not-so-cheesy-after-all verse.

(The paint has worn over the years, so I photoshopped

the verse in so you can read it more easily.)

Because no matter how many times God’s word is embroidered on a throw pillow, it never loses an iota of truth. I really can do all things through Christ Jesus who is my strength.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the life God has given me, even with its ups and downs. Through it all, I am learning to be content and to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. There is much more to learn, but if I could go back and choose again, I would still want Phil 4:13 inscribed on my family heirloom because He has inscribed it on my heart.

… be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might (Eph. 6:10 ), and to be strong in the grace which is in Christ Jesus (2 Tim. 2:1 ); and we are strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man. (Matthew Henry’s Commentary, Phil 4:13)

Happy Thanksgiving!
 

 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin