It may be freezing cold out, but I'm a hot mess.

Not really.

But I got your attention, didn't I?

Okay, I'll stop with the dramatic openers and get right to it. I've had a number of questions about how I'm doing, so I thought this week I would give you an update about pretty much everything. Read what most interests you. :)

The New Plan

My rheumatologist lowered my chemo dose back to what I was taking originally and has added a calcium folate supplement, which is supposed to help with side effects, to my regimen. I was starting to feel better on the lower dosage so I am glad for this change.

I am to stick with this plan until March when I will go for my next scheduled check-up. At that time, my reheumy will determine what the next step is based on how I respond to the lower dose and supplement.

I was supposed to go for my monthly lab work on Tuesday, but ice and snow in our area kept me at home all week. I will take care of that on Monday or Tuesday.

Here are my specific health-related requests:

1. That the lower dose and folate will make me feel better.
2. That my energy levels will increase... they are at an all time low right now.
3. That my routine tests will go well and results will all be good.
4. That I will continue to avoid colds, the flu, etc. 
5. Praise: In a typical year, I would have been sick with a cold at least 4 times by February. Each of those colds would have developed infection, and I would be on antibiotics, steroids, and breathing treatments. Usually, I've had pneumonia at least once by now. However, this year, I have been sick only once, early in the season, and it only required an antibiotic to clear up the sinus infection which developed. God has been very kind to me!

Homeschool

We have made some changes to our school plan that are working and helping me and the boys a lot.

1. I switched Ben to Teaching Textbooks for Algebra II. I really, reeeeaaaaaaly hate to change direction midstream; however, the math portion of my brain is clouded by the chemicals. I am struggling to do simple calculations and just could not lead him through Algebra right now. I also hate to make him start a course over, but he has been kind to do so. Here's the good part: he knows the content so well and likes TT so much that he flew through the 1st unit in four days and scored a 100 on the test. His math confidence is through the roof. (This is a young man who has always hated math.) So, I guess it is a good review and it won't take him long to reach the midpoint of the course again.
2. I have an organizational and accountability system in place for the boys that is making our days flow so very smoothly. I wish I had thought of this sooner and will post details later. I wonder if anyone has ever written a blog series on accommodations for the disabled homeschooling mom? 

Co-op

Co-op is going really, really well. We had a week off because of the snow and ice. When I told Ben, the melodramatic one, that classes were canceled, he lamented, "But I live for co-op!" 

Hyperbole? Yes.

But I hope that gives you some insight into why I keep co-op going. I am stepping out in faith by opening early registration for next year. Please pray for the following:

1. That I will set and keep appropriate boundaries for myself. Mostly, I have to limit the number of students I can allow in each of my classes next year. I am going to break my instructional day up into 3 groupings so that I can keep my student-teacher ratio very low. I need to be able to sit and work one-on-one. It takes a lot of energy to manage a large group.
2. That registration will go smoothly and not be taxing for me. In fact, pray that the classes will fill quickly and that I can shut down registration as early as possible and not have to do a lot of advertising. If most of the families involved this year, register for next year, that will be the case.
3. The co-op doubled in size this year, and deep down I would like to expand and offer more classes. However, I cannot manage a large co-op at this time in my life. Pray for contentment as I wait on the Lord. I believe this could be a full-time job for Michael and me in years to come, but just not now.
4. So, pray also that the Lord will bless and grow our group in His way and in His time.
5. We are working out details on where to hold classes and what our building-use fee will be. Pray for wisdom as decisions are being made. Ask the Lord to continue to provide a good meeting place at a reasonable price.

SPOONS

Essentially, I'm running out quickly. I feel like each day I have fewer than the day before.

Lupus + Chemo = just enough spoons per day to function.

I have my days scheduled in such a way that my basic responsibilities take all my spoons and I have no reserves for anything else. My life is essentially homeschool, co-op, family time and church (when I'm not too sick to get there).

It hurt... hurt, hurt, hurt... that I could not be by Heather's side last week as she buried her father. She was totally understanding because a) she loves me and b) she wants me to get well and c) she's the best friend a girl could ask for. But it was still hard on me. I love you, Heather!

My new reality involves having to say no to most everything, and it is starting to weigh on me. Not because I am lonely (I would prefer to stay home and read) but because I don't like saying no. I don't like letting others down.

Pray for the following:

1. Continued understanding among family and friends.I just can't be there for them right now and I'm the type who usually is there for everyone.
2. For my personal and spiritual growth as I learn more about boundaries and contentment.
3. That I will do what is best for my health and my family.
4. That I won't feel selfish or guilty for doing what is necessary to take care of me.

Thanks for praying.

Photo Credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-person-holding-a-ceramic-saucer-7957965/